It's Really NOT Time To Get Real About What Happens In The Bathroom

Let me start by saying I HATE the Charmin Bears. I hate them with a passion. I hate them so, so much. The "Enjoy The Go" campaign is one of the worst things ever unleashed upon mankind... just beneath The Black Plague and just above Carlos Mencia.

I think this Quilted Northern ad is a response to the cringe-inducing bear-shit antics of Charmin's colored pencil ursine toilet paper consumers.



Quilted Northern, after speaking to women nationwide (portrayed in the ad by disclaimer-noted actresses standing on a map of the United States (to indicate, I suppose, which nation Quilted Northern's nationwide interviews took place in)) decided to FINALLY get real about what happens in the bathroom. That's right... the women of America (portrayed by actresses) are SICK AND TIRED of toilet paper commercials not even mentioning that we don't actually want fecal matter on our hands after wiping up. When will toilet paper companies realize that American women have no desire to watch adorable cartoon bears talk about paper schnibbles left behind on furry haunches? No, dammit, they want to hear about clean. Clean! Clean! Toilet paper is about feeling clean. Nobody wants to talk about it, but, by God, our toilet paper makers have been silent on the topic of shitfinger for too long.

Luckily, these actresses are finally steering the country in the right toilet paper advertising direction... Why, just a few years ago, Quilted Northern had fallen into the terrible trap of cartoony advertising.



The adorable quilters in the old Quilted Northern ads never once mention how well their quilted product will hold up to a big soppy mess in your backside. And this, of course, would have made the women of America apoplectic with rage.