Count Nerdlinger Will Pay Dearly For His Cheese Related Trangressions, You Can Count On That

Several things bother me about Domino's newest "cheesy bread" spot.



1. It seems to me that in earlier versions of the commercial, the head Domino's guy (Dominick McDominard?), the tough guy in the chef's/lab coat on the right, said that "under cheesing was rancid." I may be wrong, but I think they may have dubbed in the correct word: "rampant." I'm not positive. This is just one of my many wackadoo conspiracy theories.

2. Really? "Under cheesing"? The United Lard-Assed States of America has been criminally under cheesed? Because it seems to me I can't get a single entree at any chain restaurant that contains less than five indistinguishable types of cheese, cheese applied in quantities so immense that 90% of lactose intolerant Americans have literally exploded from the sheer distress in their bowels.

3. What's with Count Nerdlinger von Geekenstein (the chef's/lab coated guy on McDominard's left) looking so sick about his boss' accusations of under cheesing? There's a really long pause after the head honcho's (big cheese's?) admission of Domino's under cheesing guilt, and during that pause, Nerdlinger gets all pale and squeamish, like he was the one and only force behind the distinct lack of cheese on Domino's cheesy bread, and now that this fact is coming to light, his distinguished career in the world of shitty pizza is hanging by a thread. Later, he pathetically tries to copy his boss' hand gestures when expressing just how awesome the new cheese levels are. It's like he's being tortured just to prove a point about Domino's new cheeseful direction.

Also... do you think any of the dudes delivering competing cheesy breads felt a little weird about having to pull up at the Domino's International World Headquarters and Hall of Justice? I hope they at least got a good tip.